Tag: faith

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Lost and not found

I hate feeling like this. It happens out of nowhere; these dark moments; these tearful moments; the food deprived moments.

Is there a place in heaven if I choose to arrive early? Will my pain be understood? I don’t even understand my pain. The emotional and psychological pain is disrupted by my intentional physical pain.

I just want to be alone. I just want to be somebodies best person. I just want to be successful. I just want to be beautiful. I just want to be liked. I just want to be seen by GOD. I just want to be hugged by GOD.

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Calling out

Lord if you hear me, help me to hear. Lord if you see me, help me see clear. Lord if you can touch me, help me to feel. I’ve gotten numb, starting not to feel a thing. This heart you gave me I fucked it up. Like I can’t love anything. These eyes you gave me, they couldn’t see shit was bad for me. These ears you gave me, I couldn’t hear the bells of my heart trying to make my mind wake up. Lord if you’re there, I’m here, but this feeling makes me want to be there with you. These shattered senses have me senseless.

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Prayer from a damaged soul

For so long I’ve wondered why, never stopping to think that all it took was a little detail. I, like many others have allowed the actions of others to dictate my happiness, sadness, excitement, joy, anger, and resentment. Now it is time for me to take a different approach and realize that life is what I make of it.

Selfishly I always felt like there’s no way that God will answer a prayer that involves specifics, selfishness, and details. I have somehow gotten lost in the façade that I can do it on my own as opposed to maintaining my faith and following the instruction of my favorite scripture; Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not onto thine own understanding. In all the ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path.

So for all of the women and men who have found themselves just a bit too damaged, I invite you to borrow this prayer and embark on a changed journey.

Dear father I come to you in order to bare my soul in hopes of a clear and guided pathway. I have fell short of the glory that you have promised me. I have found myself drowning in the need for approval by others, whether it be their actions, their desires, or simply just there being. My happiness has been placed aside for far too long. I pray that you open my eyes and help me to see clear those things in which you have placed on this earth for me and blur those things which are not for me. I pray that you continue to guide my soul so that I may be full of the nutrients of your spirit in order to Praise your name, raise my children, and heal my soul. Takeaway that anxiousness and that feeling of loneliness that I have allowed to over shadow my happiness, for I now understand that you have already healed a mate who is waiting for an equally healed soul to join him. Patience is my flaw and I pray You teach me the importance of a little less complaining and a lot more silence.

When those negative thoughts cloud my head place positivity on my mind and enable me to focus on success. I understand that I am not perfect and I do not expect perfection but my expectations exceed mediocre attempts.There is so much more that I could bear, but you already know. This is only the beginning of a prayer from a damaged soul that request your healing. In all of your name, praises to the, Amen.